Missing Daddy

Jon was assigned for an out-of-state project. This set-up is really expected with his job but fortunately, eversince I gave birth, he has always been around until now. Madi and I won’t be seeing Daddy now as he will only be able to come home on weekends. It is going to be sad and tough but it’s something we need to sacrifice. 

Yesterday was the first morning that Madi didn’t get to see her Dad. Jon usually prepares our baby’s first bottle in the morning so when she wakes up, she automatically calls her “Dad! Dad!” for milk. So yesterday when she woke up, she didn’t see Jon but she probably thought he was just in the kitchen and she called him loud, “Dad! Dad!.” I woke up with her scream and told her that her father is not home. It made me sad because Madi is always excited with her Dad and now she won’t have that kind of excitement everyday.

We will try to do webcam everynight to help missing each other a bit although it won’t be really enough because they cannot play together and she gets tired of webcam easily. After a couple of minutes she’ll say, “ayaw na.”

We miss you Daddy! We can’t wait for this weekend and we hope we won’t have to do this very long. However, thank you for working hard for our family. We love you!

First Step

Today is Madi 14th month and she made her first step. My husband was preparing to leave for work and I was having my breakfast then we saw Madi was attempting to walk. She stood up, made one step forward with her left foot, stumbled down, and then did the same cycle four times that moment. When she stopped trying, I asked her, “are you tired?” then she smiled at me and I asked her again, “we’ll practice more later, ok?” and she said, “opo.” 

It was exciting to watch her and I hope that she will carry throughout her life the perseverance and courage that I see in her now.

Remembering My Special Brother

My brother, Conrad, is a special child, the eldest among five children, born normal but had a convulsion when he was still an infant which affected his brain, he died three years ago of a freak accident. If he were alive today, he’d be thirty seven.

“Kuya Conry” (what we call him- “kuya” is a name in Filipino for a bog brother and “Conry” was his nickname) had  to go into therapy to be able to walk and did not have an appetite for food when he was a baby. My parents said he was not able to walk until he was six years old. My brother used to have braces on his legs (which I saw in pictures), and my parents would bring him to the park every weekend as part of the therapy. Everything he ate had to be colored yellow (like mango, banana, and papaya) because it was attractive to him; it even went to the extent that his skin turned yellow because of all the yellow fruits and vegetables he ate.

When he was about four years old, he started to eat just ANYTHING. The last years of his life, he weighed about one hundred and thirty pounds eventhough he was short (5’3”). If you look at him, he would appear heavy for his height. Kuya had a big tummy and skinny legs. (because he did not walk that much, which is also why he didn’t grow taller). His metabolism was very slow, and he didn’t have chest, leg, or armpit hair; had a round baby face, deep set dark brown eyes, freckles, and dimples; even had the best set of teeth among us children. If he were normal, he would be a gorgeous guy.

Kuya Conry had to have his own nanny; we usually hired a guy because he sometimes had tantrums and it was easier for a man to control him. He couldn’t eat by himself and if you leave him alone at the table he will make a mess. You can also leave him in the tub but he will only play with the water (just like a toddler).

He attended school for special children between the ages of seven and eleven. My parents also hired a private tutor a one point. However, he did not have the patience to sit and listen to a teacher. He was also not good with other special students.

Though he was a lot to handle, he was very sweet. He loved it when there were a lot of people around, so his best times were probably parties and gatherings. He hugged all the people he likes but the hugs were not normal hugs. When Kuya hugs, he uses only one arm and grabs by your neck. You really have to be prepared. Otherwise, you will feel hurt because he grabs really hard.

He never learned how to talk but he made sounds. When he was sad or wanted something he couldn’t get, he would make the “moo” sound like of a cow in a very low tone; when he was happy, he would make a high-pitched sound of joy. He also cried and laughed.

Kuya’s normal day would be to sit the whole day in front of the TV or listening to the radio. He loved to be entertained and he can dance. But you cannot just turn the TV or radio on to make him happy- you have to turn them to his favorite channels/ stations. On television, he liked to watch religious, musicals, and cartoon like Shrek and other funny features. On the radio he preferred broadway musicals like Miss Saigon and Phantom of the Opera.

Among everyone in the house, he loved our Dad, his nanny, and me the most. Everytime we got home, he would get excited, yelled for joy, and ran to meet us at the porch no matter what he was up to.

I have a lot of special memoroes growing up with Kuya and I love him dearly. I tried to spend time and took care of him on my days off. I watched movies and listened to music with him, I drove him around the city (he loved to sit in the car), and I gave him baths (he enjoyed it when you give him time to play with the flowing water in the tub). He was a part of my system.

In spite of him being a special child, he still somehow served me as a normal big brother. I sometimes wished his condition never happened so that I would have a big brother who could protect me from bullies and jerks like in the movies. But I think he still saved me from a lot of things. I have become what I am partly because of him. Because of who my big brother was, I grew up responsibly. I thought I had to be responsible since I had to act as the eldest. He inspired me in everything I did.

Pretty In Pink

I just watched Jon Cryer today at the Bonnie Hunt show- love him. It gives me so much memories of the eightees. I was a Pretty In Pink fanatic ( I had the VHS and tape soundtrack) when I was young. I even asked for an old pink gown from my aunt and converted it into a different style to wear on my grade school graduation at PS 102. How I wish I still have pictures of that event because my cousin, Chiqui, laughed so hard when she saw those photos that it embarrassed me and made me tore all the pictures. She didn’t laugh at my dress actually but my make-up (she thought it was too much).

Anyway, I continued to be a Pretty In Pink fan and during high school we had a “modelling subject” and what I did was asked (this time) my mom for her (also) high school modelling dress and I again sort of restored it and wore it. However, I don’t remember why I don’t have any picture of it as well- anyone of my Gracean mates have any?

My favorite scenes from the movie are when Duckie (Jon Cryer) danced in the record shop where Andie (Molly Ringwald) works, then of course the part when Blane (Andrew Mc Carthy) did the computer thing to be able to speak with Andie, and last is the mushy ending…

I Heart New York

Here we are (Madi and I) again at Starbucks killing time. Every now and then, whenever I am parked on a cleaning side of the street we have to do this. We would hang out at Starbucks or Toys R Us for two hours. Sometimes it’s ok but most of the time it is very inconvenient because we have to drop everything we are doing at home just to move the car. It’s what you get for living in New York- parking is always a problem.

Jon is currently assigned to a project in Citibank and luckily, the office is just near our place that he’s been able to bike to work. First, he couldn’t use his original bike because he’s afraid for it to be stolen so he bought a cheap one. Well guess what? Last Thursday the bike seat was still stolen! So then he had to buy a new seat plus a lock which you will still never know if someone can break it.

I want to live where there is enough space for parking (and everything else), where you’ll feel safe and secure, where people are friendly and nice, where there’s plenty of green, fresh air, and beautiful parks to enjoy.

Don’t get me wrong because I love New York. I lived here as a kid once and moved back here to work nine years ago. But now that I am married and with a baby, it seems like this is not the place I want to live anymore. For one thing, apartments are so tight that I can’t even buy my baby a walker. With the three of us, we are so running out of closet space. I’m tired of getting paranoid whenever I forget to put the club or alarm on the car. I’m tired of the nasty strangers I encounter in public. I’m sick of the dirty, crowded, and stinky subways. I’m just tired and I want to relax and New York is just not relaxing.

But again…I love New York. It has been good to me and it has made me a tough survivor. I still love broadways so when my baby’s big enough to watch, we’d visit the city once in awhile. The first thing I want her to see is the Christmas Spectacular though.